Not every country in Southeast Asia is equally suitable if your primary concern is finding true love, or, more specifically, a young women who will be with you because she loves you very individually, not the material benefits or the perspective you can give her for your future life.

Sure, in any country, if you have an intimate relationship with a women and treat her well, love will develop, even if at the onset, the girl or young woman was with you purely (and I do mean: purely) for financial benefits. This is a psychological mechanism almost as predictable as the attachment children develop to their parents.

There are even some rather bizarre cases of love developing on the part of the victims of abductions towards their abductors, if, again, the abductor treats his victim nicely, or even just with a good measure of psychological skill.

So, how would I rank the various countries for the potential of genuine love?

10 – Brunei – this is religiously the most restricted society in Southeast Asia, with the religious police even on the lookout whether unmarried people of the opposite sex may be sitting together in too secluded a corner of a public park. The country also is too rich for easy scores. Daughters are very well protected by their families. Sure, there are many female initially poor foreign workers in Brunei, from Indonesia, Malaysia, and the Philippines. But they are not usually young and attractive, and many are mothers with grown children at home.

9. Singapore – as a foreigner, you will have a hard time finding love in Singapore, not because Singaporean girls wouldn’t genuinely fall in love with a guy (they do), but in almost all cases, you are not good enough. Singaporean girls would have sex before marriage, as long as it is based on love.

8. Cambodia – it’s the opposite from Singapore. It’s easy indeed for a foreigner or anybody with money to find a sexual partner. But will it be love? For all relationships with foreigners, it’s definitely the economic prospect that gets it going. In a long-term sexual relationship, the girl will initially be rather uncomfortable, but after some time, if a man treats her nicely, love will emerge.

7. Vietnam – the situation is similar to that in Cambodia, though one could usually expect a higher degree of intellectual capabilities. The girl will likely not be as dependent on a foreigners as is a Vietnamese girl. There is considerable willingness to follow a man abroad. Most mail-order brides that get to Singapore are now Vietnamese.

6. Laos – Laotian people are ethnically closely related to Thais, and many attitudes are similar. But Laotian people are less urban than Thais, and even though they have gone through Communism, they are less modern than Thais.

5. Thailand – most young Thai women will initially prefer a Thai man, though a foreigner will be acceptable if he is not too old. In this respect, young Thai women are more selective than those in Cambodia, Vietnam, Indonesia, and Malaysia. Because there have been many foreigners living in Thailand for many years, foreign men will not be considered strangers as much as they are, for example, in Cambodia. There is a high awareness among Thais that love, if it doesn’t exist at the onset of an intimate relationship, will develop through time (and if supranational powers are in favor). While Thailand probably has the shortest average duration of marriages in all of Southeast Asia, Thai women can indeed be lifelong loyal partners.

4. Philippines – there is a fairly far developed attitude of marrying foreigners in order to gain access to foreign countries. Thus, a good number of Filipinas have an agenda of catching a foreigner as a legal spouse, even if they feel no love towards the man. Of course, this calculation may go wrong and love may develop towards the man after some time in an intimate relationship. However, there is a considerable degree of flexibility, and once Filipinas have attained residence status in a Western country, there is a distinct possibility that they will find “a better man” after not too long.

3. Malaysia – second to Brunei, this is the country in Southeast Asia where there is the highest pressure that any love relationship be of the married kind. It’s not that Malaysian girls (including ethnic Tamil Indians) would not be interested in having a love relationship with a foreigner. They certainly are. But there will likely not be much sex before marriage, unless the woman is a divorcee. That many Malaysians speak English facilitates the love aspect of relationships.

2. Indonesia – unlike Filipinas, Indonesian young women will not enter relationships with foreign men in order to have a chance to go abroad. Even though Indonesia is not richer than the Philippines, Indonesian young women do not typically aspire to leave. They are also less interested than Thai women in making a financial kill. Young Indonesian women are quite attracted to foreign men, and what would suite them best would be to marry one and subsequently stay in Indonesia. The man doesn’t even have to be rich. Indonesian women are less comfortable with Western comfort than are Philippine or Malaysian women and typically do not desire it. There is considerable social pressure to establish a formal family, best with a handful of children.

1. China – my top of the list will likely surprise a lot of readers. But the judgment is well-founded. Many Chinese women take love extremely serious. More than the young women in other countries in Southeast Asia and East Asia (obviously, only a small part of China is Southeast Asia) do Chinese young women conduct self-searching on whether they love a man or not. Of course, you have the other kind: “loose” women (that’s how they are called in China) who go with men entirely for the economic benefits. And they wouldn’t be Chinese if they weren’t better at that then the “loose” women of other parts of Southeast Asia. But if, after some self-searching, a Chinese young woman has decided that she loves you, her mind is pretty set and it is unlikely that she will change it. Chinese girls and young women in love relationships will find it natural to have sex before marriage with a boy or man they love, and it is socially accepted that boyfriends and girlfriends live together. But don’t expect sex on the first or second encounter, not even holding hands. You could even lose face trying it. But you could start a sexual approach like holding hands at about the fourth or fifth meeting. If she continues to agree meeting you, possibly on a daily basis, after you started holding hands, you can be quite sure to succeed if you are patient enough. What will be needed is a conviction on her part that you “really love her”. However, be aware that some Chinese young women will be eager to meet foreigners solely to practice their English. In order to separate these from those who indeed want to pursue a love relationship, you should indeed start the sexual advances at the fourth or fifth encounter.