From a mail exchange with a site member who lives in Japan, May 2006

Divorce rates in Japan are very low, but infidelity is very high. Having one or more mistresses is socially accepted. Women more and more seek their sexual satisfaction the side.

Everybody works late (check the subways at 10pm) and they party even later. Men claim they were with their business colleagues. And more often than not they are female. From my vantage point, wives in Japan seek more for their adventures than in China. In China, sex is still mostly viewed as part of the grand deal. Japan is very sexual. Conservative on the surface, but very sexual underneath. Once you are through that shell, you are all the way inside. Manage to open the first two buttons of the blouse, and penetration is guaranteed.

Girls that one could meet are between 20 and early 30's. Once early 30's, they get desperate. In Japan, they want to be married by age 30.

Japanese women hold their beauty amazingly long. A friend's wife is 50, and her age is usually guessed as 30. Mine is 36, and my American friends think I'm a pedophile.

My resident expert and I discussed the timing of bedding a Japanese girl. (We did that at the sushi counter of a restaurant in Gotanda while watching three middle-aged bosses who had taken their much younger secretaries out to dinner. One was clearly succeeding, the other failed, the third kept the date at a professional level.) She says "if you are lucky, the same night. The target should be the second date." Which is not any different than back in Germany. The age of the male is not a big issue in Japan (same as in China.) Age of the female definitely is. The females become very nervous if they haven't been married at age 30.

Some definitions:
"Happening Bar:" Singles and couples admitted
"Couple Kissa" (couple cafe): Only couples admitted
Very common in Japan. There are about 60 of them in Tokyo alone.

Best lists:
http://www.shop-lala.com/Aadultlink.html
http://www.tokyosw.net/tokyo-swinger/info/clubs.html
http://www.mabe-navi.com/main_west.html

Fetish parties:
http://www.tokyoperve.or.tv/
http://www.tksociety.com/
http://www.torturegarden-japan.com/html/index.html

On all of the above, women do not expect to be paid.

Western men are very popular in Japan. Can't put a number on it.

More and more speak English.

Most cannot take you home, they either live with their parents or have roommates.

Take them to your hotel, or to a "Love Hotel", a Japanese specialty.

After conversing with my local source, here some general observations, typed on the flight from Tokyo to Beijing:

According to her, who is both a Japanese girl and actively hunts girls, the best way to bed a JP female is to give her what is in short supply on the local market: Romance, paired with excitement. Give 'em both.

They get no romance at home, and only limited amounts of excitement.

Treat her like a gentleman. Open doors for her. Help her in her coat. Just don't open taxi doors for her, they open and close automatically in Japan.

Tell her 'ai shiteru' (I love you) many times, all day.

She might have heard that sentence only in the movies. The JP male is very shy, and ai shiteru rarely, if ever, crosses his lips. Many married couples never said it in all of their lives.

There are at least 10 finely graduated Japanese sentences in which to express your affection to another person. Very few ever utter the saucier top three.

Make her whisper "ai shiteru" in your ear, and she's done.

Make her compliments. Tell her how smashingly beautiful she is. This is absolutely NOT DONE in the Japanese culture, but as a gaijin, you can get away with it. Say it again and again.

Teach her English. Make her say aloud: "I'm beautiful."

She will resist at first, as if you've proposed to rape her right there. As a Japanese woman, she is NOT ALLOWED to say anything positive about herself, and saying it nonetheless will send naughty tingles down her spine.

And if you finally induced her to whisper "I'm beautiful," make her say: "I am the most beautiful woman in the whole wide world."

Keep rags and tissues ready at this point, because she will melt. What she had just done was very, very naughty.

A female wants to be pursued, and the JP male does very little in the pursuit dept.

JP males are still highly chauvinistic and are scared of independence in a female.

Through my wife, I have met many highly educated, very cultivated, elegant and highly desirable females in their 20's and 30's who were lonely and cried into their sleep, because JP men avoided them, scared of their success and independence. Some of those, we bed together.

This is the most interesting aspect of Japan for me: You don't shake wild girls from the trees. You converse and socialize with highly sophisticated, elegant and sexy women, who nevertheless will happily bathe you, and wait on you, and feel appreciated and respected at the same time.

One thing that sets China and Japan apart is the Japanese attention to detail and the penchant for seeking out and marketing to the smallest niche. China goes for the highest mass impact.

This transcends sexuality. In China, middle-of-the-road straight sex is abundant. But there is nothing to the left or right of it.

Japan, on the other hand, is home to any depravity known to man or woman. And most kinds of 'hentai' (Perversions) are socially accepted - and marketed to. Likewise, you will find the Japanese female much more willing to explore and test boundaries than her Chinese sister.

The testing should be done while protecting her anonymity though. The basic tenet of the Jpanese culture is 'reputation' and she will be concerned of hers.

To give you an example: My wife is an exhibitionist, wears no panties under short skirts (to the taxi driver's delight) and she gets a rush when I make her strip naked in front of a crowd. At home though, I had to sneak in and out of her apartment while we were not married, we couldn't go to the local store or any restaurant nearby. She would have lost her reputation, because living together unmarried just isn't done here.

That's why I believe smaller towns are bad spots to pick up a Japanese female. We've never tried though.

If you've found one that likes to broaden their horizons, take her to a happening bar or couple kissa.

They usually have racks of costumes. Send her to pick a costume she likes, and just by looking at her choice you will know what she REALLY likes.

Get her some drinks, and then take her to the couples only area. Soon you will be surrounded by little naked bodies.

I was at Le Grand Bleu yesterday night with my princess. She tasted three pussies and was fucked by two men. I had more blowjobs than I could count.

If you are a friend of oral sex, you will think you went to heaven instead of Japan. You get the impression as if all females have graduated from blowjob university. And most appear disappointed if you NOT come in their mouths.

In China, a foreigner has high status, and the smaller the town, the greater the pride of having snagged one. The Chinese girl will immediately rise in status with her peers. She'll proudly present you to her family and parade you in front of her friends.

The Japanese woman typically will not see you as their ticket to get a visa. They don't need one. Their passports are as good as ours. They have little time to travel anyway, their vacations are short and often not taken. Some may see you as a chance to leave a society that is oppressive to women.

The Japanese solution for dalliances are 'love hotels' They are accepted and plentlyful and don稚 come with the taste of illicit contacts - even married couples use them.

On the question of whether a Japanese college students at an age of 19 to 23 would dump a Japanese boyfriend in order to be the girlfriend of a Westerner, or a black American: Absolutely. Blacks rank very high especially with the young crowd. Hip-hop helps.

When in Tokyo, you need to go to Roppongi. Roppongi is 'Gaijin Town': the bars cater to Westerners, and girls who want westerners go to Roppongi. Beware of the 'last train'. Tokyo subways stop at around 1am and resume at around 5am.

I'm 57, no facelift, no Botox. If I have no problem finding girls, you won't either. Age difference doesn't seem to play such a big role here, neither in China, nor in Japan.

Once you are serious and the M word (as in marriage) is uttered, then age can become an obstacle due to JP parents. They want their daughter to be taken care of, and are worried you will croak.

Chinese parents see you as a ticket to their daughter's freedom. They don't care whether you hit the bucket soon, as long as their daughter is Frau Kreutz with a Schengen visa.

Japan is an odd mixture of a very advanced modern culture and traditionalism. Most have a thin veneer of shyness, but 'wehe wenn sie lossgelassen." If a woman smiles at me, I smile back. There are no set rules on who hits on whom. It's more like dating in New York or Berlin.

The bright side of bigger Chinese cities: The girls are more open, willing to experiment, if it works, they ditch their current boyfriend. And they speak better English.

For sheer sexual pleasure, I prefer Japan. They've seen it all and love it all.